And then it was dark.....
I'm sure I just looked out the window 5 minutes ago and it was still light outside, well, light for a cloudy rainy day.
One of the things I don't overly enjoy about the winter months is the getting up and going to work in the dark and then walking back home in the dark..... it makes me feel like I should be in bed until 8am and back in bed at 4pm.
Other than that, winter is fine...although living on the wet coast I often, pretty much every time, wish it was snowing instead of raining....
Sooooo, time to stop whining and get on with what I came here to write about.
2017 is coming to an end and its the start of a brand new year.....I have been reminiscing
the last couple of years about the year gone by and thinking about things to do for the new year....Not putting a name to it (resolutions) because they are not that, not really..... I just like to put away what I tried and didn't try from one year and make a list of ideas that have been percolating to move forward into the next one.
So what did I try/learn/dismiss from 2017??
I tried and than made a few video podcasts about my creative life, which was basically about knitting....I wanted to put myself out there, do something extremely scary.
I did that, but ultimately it isn't something I will continue with...I feel proud that I actually made some and put them out into the world, but I could not get over my awkwardness. I am happier without the stress of it all....I've left the last one up to watch
I worked and tinked, and put out a knitting pattern for a shawl this year....I am super proud of myself for that...I love my pattern and even though it got ripped out and reworked a few times, I still loved it through the whole process..and than it was finished!!.. the joy I felt each time I looked at it kept me going when I was writing up the pattern, checking it 1000 times, getting a couple of really good friends to test it out and than pressing publish on Ravelry......so exciting....
I tried hanging out with a Virtual Knit Night group of knitters. Kind of fun but again it was kind of awkward and I am not much of a verbalist so decided that I was also getting too worked up about all of that as well.....I try to be social, but the lone wolf in me is happy as is.
I have been playing with dyeing yarn. Just 4 skeins so far. The first was with Koolaid!! It turned out lovely..I knit a pair of socks for my mom for xmas and she loves them..I decided to try dyeing a bit with acid dyes and although I like them as well, I think I am a bit allergic....so maybe I will try more Koolaid dyeing and research the world of natural dyeing...using plants, etc might be fun.
I decided to take part in a Sketchbook project with The Brooklyn Art Library. I ordered a small sketchbook from them and you put whatever you want in it and send it back to them. It is stored in their library and people can go and check them out.....so cool...
My neck issues were bad all summer and into the fall....repetitive work this year has been setting it off like crazy.....this has been thwarting a lot of my grand ideas and I found myself going through a time of being angry....angry at the world!! Chronic pain sucks and I had to re-evaluate what I could realistically accomplish and get rid of everything else.....
So what about 2018?? What would I like to do??
One thing is to try to get a grip on my neck issues. Stand up for myself more with what I can and can't do...try not to push it so far that I am in pain for days.
Continue with creating knitting patterns.
Finish the sketchbook and send it back.
Play around with more artwork in general....
Write more...even just randomness or silliness.
Perhaps, in real life get out there and make a couple of really good friendships.
Try to enjoy the year and be at some level of peace within myself with my limitations versus the unending flood of ideas that circle my brain.
All right, I think that is all,
Happy 2018 to everyone
Suzanne
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Sunday, October 15, 2017
ahhhhh
The trees began
to whisper
and the wind
began to roll
and in the wild
March morning
I heard them
call my soul.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
to whisper
and the wind
began to roll
and in the wild
March morning
I heard them
call my soul.
Alfred Lord Tennyson
Monday, October 9, 2017
Seeing
There are no clouds
in the sky
being blown by the wind
no whales, or bunnies, or dragons
floating
just floating on through
my imagination.
I keep on walking
keeping to the shady side of the street
enjoying the crisp cool air.
The beginning of Autumn is there,
in the shadows,
a chill, slightly harsh wind.
Soon there will be glorious colours
shining during the sunny days,
and a pop of happiness
on the cloudy ones.
If I keep my eyes open
I will see it all.
Suzanne McCann
in the sky
being blown by the wind
no whales, or bunnies, or dragons
floating
just floating on through
my imagination.
I keep on walking
keeping to the shady side of the street
enjoying the crisp cool air.
The beginning of Autumn is there,
in the shadows,
a chill, slightly harsh wind.
Soon there will be glorious colours
shining during the sunny days,
and a pop of happiness
on the cloudy ones.
If I keep my eyes open
I will see it all.
Suzanne McCann
Saturday, September 30, 2017
Thinking out loud
I realized one day
that some of the pics on my tumblr
contain solitary people.
Well, most of the pics with people
are with one tiny person,
on a far away mountain top,
or a dock, or in a painting,
basically one dreamer,
looking off into the unknown
dreaming of adventures.
Peacefully solitary
Suzanne
that some of the pics on my tumblr
contain solitary people.
Well, most of the pics with people
are with one tiny person,
on a far away mountain top,
or a dock, or in a painting,
basically one dreamer,
looking off into the unknown
dreaming of adventures.
Peacefully solitary
Suzanne
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Longing
I am longing
longing for what
I don't know
A quiet spot on the grass
a place that is empty of other human contact
where I can just lay down
and spread my arms out wide
look up at the sky
and just
be
quiet
I'm longing,
longing for an adventure
not a close excursion
but somewhere farther away
somewhere different
or somewhere the same
but new because of the season
I walk out my door
into the known,
looking for new,
searching for a gateway
to another space and time
or just
the next street over
where
I haven't walked before
Original thought
from
Suzanne McCann
longing for what
I don't know
A quiet spot on the grass
a place that is empty of other human contact
where I can just lay down
and spread my arms out wide
look up at the sky
and just
be
quiet
I'm longing,
longing for an adventure
not a close excursion
but somewhere farther away
somewhere different
or somewhere the same
but new because of the season
I walk out my door
into the known,
looking for new,
searching for a gateway
to another space and time
or just
the next street over
where
I haven't walked before
Original thought
from
Suzanne McCann
Want
What do I want
to do,
to be.
How do I do
what I want
or be who I am
when I am just pretending
to be doing what I want
and being who I am.
Is it just acting the part?
Or am I doing what I want
and being myself,
just with the dream
of doing something different
in another skin.
How to reconcile the many
parts of me. The doer, the dreamer,
the person, the actor, the creator,
the one stuck in the monotonous
dream wishing she wasn't.
Original thought
by
Suzanne McCann
to do,
to be.
How do I do
what I want
or be who I am
when I am just pretending
to be doing what I want
and being who I am.
Is it just acting the part?
Or am I doing what I want
and being myself,
just with the dream
of doing something different
in another skin.
How to reconcile the many
parts of me. The doer, the dreamer,
the person, the actor, the creator,
the one stuck in the monotonous
dream wishing she wasn't.
Original thought
by
Suzanne McCann
Saturday, July 29, 2017
Stirring my imagination.
I am reading a book called Stardust by Neil Gaiman. I love the movie and the book was highly recommended to me. I started to read this passage and I felt goosebumps and shivers and my imagination went into over-drive.
Here is the passage. I dare you not to see magic worlds swirl through your mind as you read.
It was sometimes said that the grey-and-black mountain range which ran like a spine north to south down that part of Faerie had once been a giant, who grew so huge and so heavy that, one day, worn out from the sheer effort of moving and living, he had stretched out on the plain and fallen into a sleep so profound that centuries passed between heartbeats. This would have been a long time ago, if it ever happened, in the First Age of the world, when all was stone and fire, water and wind, and there were few left alive to put the lie to it if it was not true. Still, true or not, they called the four great mountains of the range Mount Head, Mount Shoulder, Mount Belly and Mount Knees, and the foothills to the south were known as the Feet. There were passes through the mountains, one between the head and the shoulders, where the neck would have been, and one immediately to the south of Mount Belly.
They are the wild mountains, inhabited by wild creatures: slate-coloured trolls, hairy wild-men, strayed wodwos, mountain goats and mining gnomes, hermits and exiles and the occasional peak-witch. This was not one of the really high mountain ranges of Faerie, such as Mount Huon, on the top of which is the Stormhold but it was a hard range for lone travellers to cross nonetheless.
Wonderful,
Suzanne
Here is the passage. I dare you not to see magic worlds swirl through your mind as you read.
It was sometimes said that the grey-and-black mountain range which ran like a spine north to south down that part of Faerie had once been a giant, who grew so huge and so heavy that, one day, worn out from the sheer effort of moving and living, he had stretched out on the plain and fallen into a sleep so profound that centuries passed between heartbeats. This would have been a long time ago, if it ever happened, in the First Age of the world, when all was stone and fire, water and wind, and there were few left alive to put the lie to it if it was not true. Still, true or not, they called the four great mountains of the range Mount Head, Mount Shoulder, Mount Belly and Mount Knees, and the foothills to the south were known as the Feet. There were passes through the mountains, one between the head and the shoulders, where the neck would have been, and one immediately to the south of Mount Belly.
They are the wild mountains, inhabited by wild creatures: slate-coloured trolls, hairy wild-men, strayed wodwos, mountain goats and mining gnomes, hermits and exiles and the occasional peak-witch. This was not one of the really high mountain ranges of Faerie, such as Mount Huon, on the top of which is the Stormhold but it was a hard range for lone travellers to cross nonetheless.
Wonderful,
Suzanne
Sunday, July 23, 2017
At Home
At Home – The House of Belonging
– by David Whyte
– by David Whyte
At home amidst
the bees
wandering
the garden
in the summer
light
the sky
a broad roof
for the house
of contentment
where I wish
to
live forever
in the eternity
of my own
fleeting
and momentary
happiness.
the bees
wandering
the garden
in the summer
light
the sky
a broad roof
for the house
of contentment
where I wish
to
live forever
in the eternity
of my own
fleeting
and momentary
happiness.
I walk toward
the kitchen
door as if walking
toward the
door of a recognized
heaven
the kitchen
door as if walking
toward the
door of a recognized
heaven
and see the
simplicity
of shelves and
the blue dishes
and the
vaporing
steam rising
from the kettle
that called me in.
simplicity
of shelves and
the blue dishes
and the
vaporing
steam rising
from the kettle
that called me in.
Not just this
aromatic cup
from which to drink
but the flavor
of a life made whole
and lovely
through the
imagination
seeking its way.
aromatic cup
from which to drink
but the flavor
of a life made whole
and lovely
through the
imagination
seeking its way.
Not just this
house around me
but the arms
of a fierce
but healing world.
house around me
but the arms
of a fierce
but healing world.
Not just this line
I write
but the
innocence
of an earned
forgiveness
flowing again
through hands
made new with
writing.
And a man
with no company
but his house,
his garden,
and his own
well peopled solitude,
I write
but the
innocence
of an earned
forgiveness
flowing again
through hands
made new with
writing.
And a man
with no company
but his house,
his garden,
and his own
well peopled solitude,
entering
the silences
and chambers
of the heart
to start again.
the silences
and chambers
of the heart
to start again.
| — | “At Home – The House of Belonging” by David Whyte (from his book River Flow - New & Selected Poems, 1984 - 2007) |
Saturday, July 8, 2017
Interesting words with great definitions
werifesteria
—
(noun) An old English and dead word, werifesteria means to wander longingly through the forest in search of mystery.
hygge
— (noun) An untranslatable Danish word, hygge is recognized as the warm and fuzzy feeling that overcomes you while you are enjoying the company of your favorite friends and the beauty of life.
Sunday, July 2, 2017
Content
I've been alone
but never lonely
I like my own company
with small interjections
of human contact.
But lonely is creeping in
making me take stock
of my solitary existence.
Are we ever really happy alone?
I thought I was.
I believe I am.
Should I allow myself to feel
loneliness?
Or should I reach out
and interact with others.
Will feeling lonely
damage? or destroy?
my otherwise mediocre life?
Perhaps its just a sense
of wanderlust
that is making me feel
unsettled, angry, sad, alone.
I want to explore, discover,
but do not have the means.
Am I jealous of those who do?
Can I be honest with myself,
or will I try to build barriers,
make excuses,
Can I find what makes me happy
in the confines of my own circumstances.
Original thought
by Suzanne
but never lonely
I like my own company
with small interjections
of human contact.
But lonely is creeping in
making me take stock
of my solitary existence.
Are we ever really happy alone?
I thought I was.
I believe I am.
Should I allow myself to feel
loneliness?
Or should I reach out
and interact with others.
Will feeling lonely
damage? or destroy?
my otherwise mediocre life?
Perhaps its just a sense
of wanderlust
that is making me feel
unsettled, angry, sad, alone.
I want to explore, discover,
but do not have the means.
Am I jealous of those who do?
Can I be honest with myself,
or will I try to build barriers,
make excuses,
Can I find what makes me happy
in the confines of my own circumstances.
Original thought
by Suzanne
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
Sunday, May 21, 2017
A Green Wooded Wonderland
If you are looking for me
I'm not by the sea
but in a green, wooded corner
shaded from the sun
listening to the birds
and the brook
Distant sounds of traffic going by
sitting and reading
stealing glances at the Moss Lady
her pale skin
in contrast to her cloak of moss
beautiful, mesmerizing, calming
Woodland creatures also visit
they sit awhile
chatter in hushed tones
gazing into her unfocused eyes
she is dreaming of lives lived
and adventures yet to experience
Now I have found you,
I will visit often
for it is lovely
and green and quiet
and a place for organizing
all the dreams I dream
Original thought by
Suzanne McCann
I'm not by the sea
but in a green, wooded corner
shaded from the sun
listening to the birds
and the brook
Distant sounds of traffic going by
sitting and reading
stealing glances at the Moss Lady
her pale skin
in contrast to her cloak of moss
beautiful, mesmerizing, calming
Woodland creatures also visit
they sit awhile
chatter in hushed tones
gazing into her unfocused eyes
she is dreaming of lives lived
and adventures yet to experience
Now I have found you,
I will visit often
for it is lovely
and green and quiet
and a place for organizing
all the dreams I dream
Original thought by
Suzanne McCann
Thursday, March 30, 2017
exactly
"Yes, I need you, my fairy-tale. Because you are the only person I can talk with about the shade of a cloud, about the song of a thought — and about how, when I went out to work today and looked a tall sunflower in the face, it smiled at me with all of its seeds."
| — | Vladimir Nabokov, from Letters To Véra |
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Winds of November
half way through March
the winds of November have blown in
bitter cold
looking outside
the sun is trying to shine
put on my vest and coat
out into the world
grabbed a scarf
and wrapped it around
but the wind blew through
no hat or mitts
to take away the chill
the winds of November
have won
this round
Suzanne McCann
the winds of November have blown in
bitter cold
looking outside
the sun is trying to shine
put on my vest and coat
out into the world
grabbed a scarf
and wrapped it around
but the wind blew through
no hat or mitts
to take away the chill
the winds of November
have won
this round
Suzanne McCann
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Silence
I stood
in silence
pondering
its affect on me
At first, anxious
than calm
peaceful even
with the silence
Its interesting
how little time
I spend
in quiet moments of silence
Without music
or words
to distract
or waste time
I am standing here
silently
but not in silence
my window is open
birds are chatting
sounds of the city
still feeling calm
creative
Suzanne McCann
in silence
pondering
its affect on me
At first, anxious
than calm
peaceful even
with the silence
Its interesting
how little time
I spend
in quiet moments of silence
Without music
or words
to distract
or waste time
I am standing here
silently
but not in silence
my window is open
birds are chatting
sounds of the city
still feeling calm
creative
Suzanne McCann
Saturday, February 25, 2017
good advice
"I should have dropped
some bread crumbs along the way
when I set off into this dark forest....."
author might be
Michael Boiano
some bread crumbs along the way
when I set off into this dark forest....."
author might be
Michael Boiano
Saturday, February 4, 2017
A Conversation with myself about love
Myself: Do you believe in love?
Me: Some moments I yearn for a love,
someone to share my life with,
but it only lasts a moment and then I think,
hmmmmmm could I share all my time with someone?
I am very happy on my own, do what I want , when I want.
Myself: So do you believe in love?
Me: Of course I do, I’ve been in love.
I believe in magic, and the fantastical, and fate, and timing,
you know all that shit.
I just know that I haven’t met someone to fall in love with, someone who
has swept me off my feet with a smile, or a gaze, or a gesture.
I dream of falling in love again, but so far its just a dream.
Myself: Will you resist falling in love if it finds you?
Me: Probably,
as long as I possibly can......
Myself: Are you afraid of falling in love?
Me: Not afraid of falling in love, just afraid of losing me, of losing
who I am......
original thought by Suzanne McCann
be yourself
Be weird. Be random.
Be who you are.
Because you never know who would love the person you hide.
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